i think its happening
i'm finally falling apart
or falling together
i dont know anything right now

am i me or am i the one in my mind? the one i talk to everyday?
which one is real and which one do i know
has anything in my life been real?
has anyone ever loved me?
its unnatural for one person to have been left by so many people
or is all this loss not loss at all but a result of my own monster?
is it all my own doing? subconsciously have i created it all? and then questioned it all when the monster is gone and im left alone confused why im alone.
Does she take over and cause chaos and leave me to be broken?

i dont know who i am or why or how
im scared
i wish someone would hold me and tell me that they see me
because i cant see myself. I dont recognize myself in photos
its all a mask

and here i am bleeding all over myself wondering whose gonna come and make it stop
because the monster in me wont let me save myself right now

im reading Plath. Writing a journal to you, the only way to communicate.
no one knows and would it even matter if they did?
ive lost my mind, or did i ever have it at all?
if no one can see me, do i even exist?

i need arms around me. i just need someone to accept me and not make me explain. I need comfort. Im so exhausted from constantly diving to the depths of the ocean to catch my breath and save myself.